


Scars In Your Heart

by stormboxx



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Gen, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4510239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormboxx/pseuds/stormboxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pain comes in many shapes and colours, much like love.<br/>Eggsy is maybe a tad too well acquainted with physical pain, but it is nothing compared to the pain one feels when you see the person you love hurting.</p><p>Perhaps except papercuts. They still hurt like a b*tch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars In Your Heart

Physical pain, he could take. Growing up around his step-father he was sure used to being slapped around a fair share. It stung, left marks sometimes blue and purple, but in the end it wasn't that big of a deal. 

Emotional pain on the other hand, was something else entirely. Like seeing his mother trying to hide the blue and purple marks on her body, or her face. He couldn't remember how many times he had seen her in front of a mirror carefully applying foundation, hissing as she patted her darkened skin. The way his heart clutched and seemed to shrink in on itself when Dean was drunk and screamed for Daisy to stop crying, only scaring her and making her cry harder. The time before Kingsman when he did anything to be out of that flat for as long as he could, escape the hopeless life confined within those four walls. That kind of pain stung worse, and stayed longer. A black eye heals over a couple of weeks, but seeing your own mother trapped in a violent hell with no hope of escaping?  
Seeing the person you love be in pain leaves scars in your heart.

It occurs rarely these days, and for that Eggsy is very thankful. After earning Harry's old title of Galahad he had been able to put his mother and sister up in a new flat, far away from their old one, and most importantly far away from Dean.

Sadly, this night was one of those where his heart again got new scars.

Long after Harry's miraculous survival of a shot to the head, after his surgery, coma, and recovery in the hospital, and long after Harry was chosen as the new head of the UK branch, Eggsy still spent three nights in a week in Harry's home. Merlin, as temporary Arthur, had initially tasked Eggsy with keeping Harry company three nights a week after he was released from the hospital. Eggsy was there to keep an eye on his former mentor, making sure he was resting properly, and sometimes when needed he helped Harry out with whatever needed to be done in the house. Making dinner or doing his laundry, or other things like going on a grocery run. Some would joke that he seemed to be doing more work as a house maid rather than a Kingsman agent, but Eggsy didn't see it that way.

His mentor, his friend, was alive and needed help getting back on his feet and get used to his life after that disastrous day in Kentucky. It wasn't just a necessity, it was a privilege for Eggsy to be the one to help Harry out of a bad place. To be able to return the favour Harry had done for him, a mere year earlier.

When Merlin informed Eggsy that Harry was appointed the position of Arthur, he also told him that his task of helping Harry three nights a week was concluded. It had been a slight disappointment to hear Merlin say those words, as they had fallen into a nice routine and gotten to know each other so much better during the two months Eggsy was there. But since he was a Kingsman agent now, and a gentleman, he didn't question it and accepted the decision.

And therefore it had made for quite the awkward conversation, in the week after Harry had become Arthur, when Harry had called him a Monday evening wondering where he was, and what they were going to make for dinner.

Eggsy understood that this was Harry's very subtle way of asking whether he wanted to continue spending time together, or if he was tired of the whole thing.  
He'd showed up on Harry's doorstep 50 minutes later with a bottle of wine and a big grocery bag full of fresh pasta, and all the other essentials to perfect a home-cooked italian meal.

After that night they kept their routine as before, and neither of them nor Merlin, or anyone else, ever questioned it. 

During the first period of Eggsy's staying there, after Harry's release from hospital, it had been apparent how deeply traumatized Harry was by what he had managed to do under the influence of Valentine's maniac device. Most of the nights of the first five weeks Eggsy was there, he would wake in the middle of the night hearing Harry scream. He would run from his room, or the guest room as it were, to Harry's and sit by his bed trying his best to calm him down.  
Once or twice it happened that Harry didn't manage to wake up from the nightmares, and on these seldom occasions Eggsy would take a hold of his hand and gently shake him out of it. He didn't let go of Harry's hand even after he was awake, but sat there gently holding it telling him silly stories from the time before he met Harry and joined Kingsman, about looting and getting caught, even arrested. About taking his sister to the zoo, about the select few happy memories from his childhood, and of his father. Sometimes Harry would tell him about how excellent Eggsy's father had been during his time in Kingsman. Most times he kept quiet, listening only to Eggsy's stories and allowing his hand to be held into the early hours of morning. 

When sleep again wished to claim them, and Eggsy was sure Harry was well and truly calm, they would tell each other good night again, and they always seemed to tell the other the same things, that also becoming a routine of theirs.

“ _You're a good boy, Eggsy. I'm very sorry about this,_ ” Harry would always say, head slightly lowered and an earnest, apologetic tone to his voice.

“ _Don't say that, Harry,_ ” Eggsy would say. “ _I'm 'ere for ya, and I'm just down the hall if there's anythin'. Anythin' at all, yeah?_ ”

It was like memorized lines for a play, only it was honest and real each and every time they exchanged it. It was a way of saying they cared about one another, without having to come out and actually say those exact words.

This night, Eggsy is already there when Harry comes home. He wanted to make something, but decided to wait for Harry to come home before deciding what to have. This night, Harry walks across the threshold and doesn't even look in Eggsy's direction, where he is with a bottle of coke in hand in the kitchen.

“Hi, Harry. What d'ya want to eat tonight?”

Harry, slightly out of character, pulls off his suit jacket and drapes it over one of the kitchen chairs.

“I already had something, but don't let me stop you.”

Eggsy can see the tired slope to Harry's normally squared shoulders, and knows this will be a long night.

“Everythin' alright there, bruv?”

Harry starts on the stairs with a sigh.

“I'm knackered, so I'll just go to bed early. Good night, Eggsy.”

Eggsy nods even though Harry doesn't see.

“Alright. Good night, Harry.” 

Later, when Eggsy himself turns in for the day, he leaves the door to the guest room slightly open. He just knows this will be one of the nights where he will have to hold Harry's hand and speak soothingly about anything and everything. He doesn't mind if it comes to that, he really doesn't mind at all, but Harry's nightmares doesn't come often these days, so he hopes he's wrong and that he won't have to run to the master bedroom to calm Harry down.

He reads some emails from Merlin, and sends a good night text to his mother and Roxy before turning the lights out.

And maybe because he was already mentally preparing for it, he is wide awake the second he hears Harry moaning in distress, some three hours later.

By the short time it takes Eggsy to get to Harry's room, the older man has started screaming, and upon entering Eggsy sees him trashing about in the covers, harsh breath and head shaking.

“Harry,” Eggsy starts calmly. “Wake up, Harry, I'm 'ere.”

Nothing, so Eggsy takes Harry's hand and stars shaking him carefully.

“Hey, wake up, yeah? Everythin's alright, Harry, just wake up.”

Somehow this seems to elicit even more powerful reactions from Harry, and contrary to what Eggsy's used to, Harry just continues to cry louder and his hands are flailing about like he's trying to reach something. Eggsy tries to avoid being hit as he takes hold of Harry's shoulders.

“Harry. Harry!!” Eggsy shakes Harry for real this time, and suddenly the eyes underneath his fly open and two strong hands are immediately around his arms in a death grip.

“Harry, hey, hey. Everythin's ok, Harry.”

“Oh, Eggsy,” Harry sighs heavily, and loosens his grip on Eggsy's arms but doesn't let go entirely.

“Are youmph-” Eggsy starts to ask, but suddenly he is face flat in Harry's pillow, crushed against the other man's chest in a desperate embrace. After a few seconds Eggsy pushes back and looks at Harry with deep concern in his eyes. This has never happened before.

“Harry, what's going on? One of them real bad ones tonight, yeah?”

He takes a seat by the bed, but takes a hold of Harry's hand and starts stroking it gently with his thumb.

Harry keeps quiet for what seems like a full minute before letting out another deep sigh.

“Yes, Eggsy. A really, really bad one tonight,” Harry says quietly, eyebrows knit tightly together over his eyes and a pained look on his face.

“Do you want to talk to me about it?” Eggsy offers.

Harry shifts a little, but doesn't let go of Eggsy's hand.

“Not..particularly.”

“ 's alright. Hang tight, I'll just pop down and make us a cuppa tea.”

“Thank you, that would be nice, Eggsy.”

Seven minutes later and Eggsy is by Harry's side again, steam rising in languid strokes from the cups on Harry's bedside table.

“I'm sorry I was so clipped towards you when I came home tonight.”

“Don't think about it, I know you have lotsa work.”

“We had a video conference today evening, with some of the people in the american branch. Spoke about how clean-up and restoration of the organization has developed after the day of.. Valentine's mass genocide.”

It pains Eggsy to hear Harry talk about it. He knows full well how much guilt and regret Harry has of the things he did, or rather the things Valentine made him do.

“They inquired further, as they've also done earlier, about why they weren't contacted before I went to Kentucky. They criticised us on our poor handling of that matter, and we saw the video feed of me.. that day,” Harry lets out a breath before he continues “in connection to their hypothesis that if they were contacted, they would be able to provide back-up, and in their words, “might have avoided the whole mess” I made.”

Eggsy is shocked and he feels anger flare out throughout his whole body.

“What?! Are them yanks for real?” he drops Harry's hand as he starts pacing about the room.

“Eggsy..”

“I fucking can't believe their fucking nerve!! First of all, them bein' there and all doesn't immediately mean things wouldn't go to shit, it might even made matters worse! Secondly, what good does it do anyone to see that video again? Fuck all, 's what I'm sayin'!”

“Eggsy, please..”

“No..! What a bunch of fucking pricks! We're the head branch, 'ere in UK, you're Arthur and the king of Kingsman. We should just let them know that they can shut the fuck up about it all, and forbid them to evva bringin' it up again!”

“That wouldn't be very diplomatic, I'm sure.”

“Fuck diplomacy, Harry. And fuck them too, what a buncha tossers!”

Eggsy keeps pacing until he hears a light chuckle coming from Harry.

“Wha'?”

“Nothing. Come sit with me, Eggsy.”

There's a hint of a smile to Harry's voice. Eggsy doesn't understand if he has said anything funny, but he sits down again, and this time Harry is the one to take his hand. It comes naturally, and it doesn't feel anything but right.

The touch immediately calms Eggsy down, and after a minute or so he slumps back against his chair and takes a sip from his tea. Harry does the same.

“It was you,” Harry says after a moment of silence.

Eggsy frowns.

“In my dream tonight. I... Only you in that church. And I gunned you down with two blows to the head, and came to my senses right after.”

Harry grips Eggsy's hand a bit tighter.

“You..” Harry starts and takes a deep, calming breath. “I held you as you bled out, eyes staring up at me in confusion.”

Eggsy feels it as a punch to his stomach. Not because of the dream, but because of Harry's utterly destroyed look and the lurking fear he must experience every time he goes to bed. He almost wants to cry just from thinking about it, thinking about Harry on the four other nights of the week when he isn't around for him to talk to. Those four other nights of the week when Harry wakes up soaked in sweat and a heartbeat through the roof, alone.

“It was only a bad dream, Harry.” 

Eggsy speaks in a calmer voice now, but tries his best to sound cheerful.

“And I know I might be bonkers sometimes, like I might actually have had two blows to the head, but I'm 'ere and alive and well, and will continue to be. So forget that stupid dream, Harry.”

Eggsy squeezes Harry's hand before rising to his feet.

“I hope you sleep well.”

“I'm sorry for waking you, Eggsy. I am so sorry for all of this, that you have to witness me in this state,” Harry says without looking up at him.

“Don't say that, Harry,” Eggsy smiles.

“I have to. You are a good man, Eggsy.”

Harry lifts his head to look at him now, and Eggsy knows he smiles silly but doesn't give a damn about it.

“If it weren't for you, who knows where I would be today.”

Harry's words sends warmth through him, and miraculously has Harry Hart yet again managed to seep one step further into his heart. 

Eggsy lets out a happy sigh.

“You'd be where you are now, I reckon. As would I, Harry.”  
He winks with a smile, and heads for the door.

“I'm just down the hall if there's anythin'.”

He stops on the threshold and nods to Harry.

“Anythin' at all, yeah? 

“I know, Eggsy. Thank you.”

He is just about to enter his room when the door creaks behind him. He turns and sees Harry standing there, in his pyjamas and slightly mussed up hair.

“Eggsy?”

His voice sounds louder out here in the hallway.

“Yeah?”

Harry doesn't say anything, but looks like he's debating whether or not just going back into his own room.

“Yes, Harry?” Eggsy says and comes up to him again.

“Could I ask you to sleep with me for the rest of the night?”

Harry almost looks afraid, but not the same kind as when he is waking from a nightmare.

“Wha'?” 

The question takes Eggsy with total surprise.

“N-not like that, Eggsy. But only... I mean, I..”

Harry Hart is fumbling for words, and this might be the best thing Eggsy's ever witnessed in his entire life. He thought nothing could match Harry taking out Dean's goons in the Black Prince, the day they met, but this is something else entirely.

“I would be very grateful if you would sleep beside me for the remainder of the night.”

Harry squares his jaw and looks resolutely up at Eggsy, whom is only returning him with another silly smile. Harry shakes his head suddenly and brings his hands up.

“I'm sorry, Eggsy. Please, just forget-”

Harry is interrupted by Eggsy's retreating back, and he sees the boy enter the guest room and turn the lights out. Then he reemerges with a big pillow under his arm, and doesn't look at him as he walks right past Harry.

“You coming, or wha'?” Harry hears Eggsy ask from inside his bedroom.

They lay side by side in Harry's big bed, eyes closed but not yet sleeping.  
When he speaks, Harry's voice is heavy with sleep.

“It is so good to have you here, Eggsy.”

Equally as sleepy, Eggsy answers him.

“I like being here, Harry.”

“You could come more often, if you'd like.”

Eggsy smiles with his eyes closed.

“Yeah?”

“Every day, even,” Harry yawns. “if you want.”

Eggsy lets out a light chuckle.

“Are you asking me to move in, Harry?”

Silence stretches out between them, and Eggsy is pretty sure the man to his right has fallen asleep.

“Yes.”

Eggsy smiles wider than ever, and he starts thinking about this emotional pain again. How the pain leaves scars that cut deeper and heals slower than a cut to one's skin, or even a gunshot wound. But as with everything in life, there is always something good to balance out the bad, and Eggsy sure has had his share of bad. 

He hears light snoring beside him, and he feels sleep taking him under as he finds Harry's hand to hold. Eggsy knows what this is, even though neither of them have said it. They both know, he's sure of it. 

Some scars may run deeper than others, but with love in your life, in your heart, in your home, they _do_ heal twice as fast.

Eggsy is pretty sure of that, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd, so apologies for any and all grammar mistakes. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
